By Marcella Fox
Anyone who has faced the
death of a beloved pet knows that it can be very painful emotionally. Friends, co-workers, and relatives who don’t have
companion animals might say, “It’s only a pet!” But they just don’t understand. Any time we love or
care about someone -- whether it’s a human or an animal -- we grieve their loss. And death is one of the biggest losses
there is.
How we feel about a pet’s death will depend on a number of things: How attached we have been to
the animal. How sudden the death is. Whether she or he suffered. How much we were able to do to help our pet. And how we grieve
in general. Everyone reacts differently and there is no use in comparing your grief to someone else’s.
There
are many ways to grieve that are healthy and helpful. The most important thing is to find a way to honor how important your
friend has been to you. This can be anything, from a ceremony in the form of a traditional funeral, to some other activity
that feels right for you.
One meaningful way to honor your pet is to sit with the body or the cremains (ashes),
or at the grave of your pet, and thank it for everything he or she brought into your life – or tell the story of your
life together. This can be done out loud or in your own mind. It can be done alone or with understanding friends.
Another way is to take time to write down what he or she meant to you. A small book called ”My Personal Pet Remembrance
Journal,” by Enid Traisman, is a beautiful way to record all aspects of your pet’s life with you.
Doing
something physical can help release some of the energy of grieving. If you didn’t get a chance to dig the grave -- or
if there will be no grave -- then dig a hole and plant a bush or tree as a living memorial.
Think about creating
a spot in your house to keep your pet’s memory alive. Set up a small display of photos, a collar or bridle, favorite
toys. Many funeral homes have boxes with compartments for cremains (the “ashes”) and other items, which can be
used to create a memory box. Or, create one with a box purchased at a crafts store, or something similar. Every moment you
spend creating or arranging a memory space or box is more love you are giving to your pet.
What about your tears?
Let them flow. If you try to stop them, your grief will just “go underground” and cause problems later on. When
you feel your eyes tear up, instead of fighting it, simply make a point of breathing naturally. This will help the moment
pass in its own time. And let yourself smile, too – even laugh. There is joy in remembering your special friend and
that, too, is an important part of getting used to his or her absence.
Talking is another way to release the energy
of grief. This isn’t helpful for everyone, but many of us want to speak about our loved one and have our loss recognized
by someone else. Even if you have supportive friends to talk with, you may also want to attend a support group for people
whose pets have died. Some groups offer information about grief as well the chance to talk about what you’re going through.
Find a group with a facilitator who treats everyone with respect. And be certain it’s okay to just listen if you’d
rather not speak the first few times you attend.
Finally, if you find yourself stuck, or just need to speak with
someone on a one-to-one basis, choose carefully. Make certain the therapist, social worker, counselor, or grief support specialist
you work with is trained in grief work and really understands that the death of a beloved pet is as important as the death
of any other family member.
Grief is the price of losing someone we love. An animal companion adds immeasurably
to your life, and when she or he dies, your job is to learn to live without their physical presence. There is room in your
heart for every pet, and you will never lose the memory of the love and good times you shared.Marcella Fox is a Ceremony Officiant and Grief Support Specialist serving Oregon’s mid-Willamette Valley. She
began creating ceremonies in the late 1980s and started working with grieving people in the mid-1990s. In August, 2008, she
will conduct Heartland Humane Society’s Community Remembrance Ceremony for Pets, in Corvallis. www.MarcellaFox.comCopyright Marcella Joy Fox 2008. All Rights Reserved. Posted with permission. Do not repost or
duplicate in any manner without permission from the author. Thank you.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
